We put this on a timer to be posted on Thanksgiving Day, since it is such appropriate pre-feast reading to work up an appetite. So before we get down to the smut, allow me offer my finest regards and a Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. You're a bunch of opinionated pricks, don't ever change. Now on to the smut.

I know that as recently as last week I claimed that overexposure to porn is a growing problem for men who can't control themselves, but when Matty Flonase asked me to assist him in finding the best stars in the business all I could do was oblige. Who knows when I'll need a favor from that bastard or even a fallout shelter. Plus, it's porn, not black-tar heroin; even the most severe addicts can still lead semi-normal lives.

As you have seen, Matt took the brunettes while I got the joy of finding the blondes. Which is like giving me a glass of garbage water to quench my thirst. I love a good blonde, God dammit I do, but good blondes in porn are hard to find. Damn hard. Because most blondes in porn carry that "slut factor," which I love, but they aren't always dimes, especially when you are asked to uncover 40 of them.

Memphis Monroe

Fun Fact: Like many great porn stars, Monroe started her career working at Hooters... when she was 16 years old.

Nikki Benz

Fun Fact: Her first adult film was entitled "Strap on Sally," a heartwarming tale of love, lesbianism, and a dildo. Check it out tonight with the whole family.

Nikki Jayne

Fun Fact: Jayne grew up in England and ran the tea club at Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Springfield. When she hit her early teens she apparently quit after discovering other things in life. Like needlepoint, helping the homeless, and getting fucked.

Phoenix Marie

Fun Fact: Thanks to her work in the religious film, "Ass Worshipers 11," Marie was nominated for the 2010 AVN Award for Best Anal Sex Scene.

Shawna Lenee

Fun Fact: This sexy brisket is from Cleveland, Ohio. Yea, this fact wasn't fun.

Shyla Stylez

Fun Fact: This 28 year old (fuckin' shocking, I know) isn't looking so hot these days but she still has one of the best "fuck me, I'm the filthiest slut in this hemisphere" faces that I have ever seen.

Silvia Saint

Fun Fact: All the way back in 1997, Saint won the People's Choice Adult Award for Best Newcomer. Her cunt has seen more harsh realities than a Detroit trauma ward.

Sophie Moone

Fun Fact: While she may not be a household name in our country, this Budapest native is one of the most recognizable porn stars in Europe. She was also born on Christmas Eve, which means she probably gets the shaft presents wise.

Stormy Daniels

Fun Fact: Geometric experts have yet to decipherer exactly what shape her tits are. The stormy one has a decent face, I'll give her that, but her bolt-ons are some of the worst in all of porn.

Teagan Presley

Fun Fact: Her ex-husband's porn name is Tyler Durden. How perfect is that? When he crushed her heart I sure hope he knocked her down a peg by saying, "All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not."

Other Blonde Sluts Worth Mentioning:

Victoria Cruz

Sacvanna Samson

Monique Alexander

Jaclyn Case

Courtney Cummz

Andi Anderson

Carmen Cocks

Tanya Tate

Puma Swede

Krissy Lynn

Monica Mayhem